Earth Evacuation List

The Future of Basketball

admin — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 19:45:29 +0000

Look how fast these robot hands can move:

Who needs drug testing if you have robot athletes?

Ergo… you’d have to employ robots to referee a game this fast.

Ergo… the only people who would enjoy watching such a fast game would be other robots.

Ergo… we’re DOOMED.

They got SPACE BLOBS on Earth now too…

admin — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:16:09 +0000

We’ve been on pins and needles over here at the Earth Evac List since we learned that there’s a such thing as Space Blobs.
Now we find out that they’re in our own backyard (Alaska)…

Let’s just all agree that whatever it is, we don’t start marketing it as Yogurt.

FAQs by Email

admin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:37:40 +0000

Things that make you go… hmm?

Submitted by Leslie T. >>>

1. How is the selection made? I know you’ll accept me with my illustrious family history and ability to tell a Beaujolais from a Vieux Papes, but I’d rather die on earth than have to sit next to a Kennedy or a Carter. You are screening people, aren’t you?

This is MTV’s Real World to the nth degree. We are picking people by random but hoping against hope that it elicits the most drah-ma.

2. Is there a separate list for our four-legged friends, or do I just put Wuggums name in after my own?
It depends on weight restrictions so if you do get drawn, bring Wuggums. But if all the Wuggumses weigh too much, we’ll take the cutest ones. (p.s. We’re cat people.)

3. Will I be getting an orientation packet? I do love to see photos of the resort before I actually get there – a DVD would be acceptable.
Put “Event Horizon” into your Netflix queue. Hmmm… on second thought, watch “2001″. Well that ending doesn’t make sense. “The Black Hole” is a Disney movie… on second thought there’s a lunatic on that space ship. “Apollo 13″?

4. How may I contact the Activities Director? When my bridge club took the Alaskan Cruise, there were some activities shamelessly lacking.

There will be no end to fun as we learn together how to grow food and pee in zero gravity.

TTFN

Giant-Spitting Worms

admin — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 04:50:29 +0000

If there’s an all out Ant / Worm war, I think we’ll be spared. Otherwise, find the dad from Family Ties and follow him. Kevin Bacon, too.
Scientists search the great Northwest for the Giant Palouse Earthworm? Leave them be!

WORMS!

Super Colony bigger than all the Chinese, Indians and the rest of world… combined!

admin — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:41:00 +0000

Anthropologists have discovered a super, cross-continent Ant Colony that won’t attack each other when their paths cross… because they’re all related.

If these ants were somehow to become human-sized the population of this planet would like double. Think about it.

Oops… biggest Black Hole is Super Biggest

admin — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 22:05:17 +0000

At the 214th meeting of the American Astronomical Society, a group of scientists announced is, “…two to three times heftier than previously thought,” according to an article on Yahoo.

Two or Three times larger??!?

Imagine you’re about to get into a bar fight with a dude who weighs about 200 lbs. You get outside and then you underestimated and he’s perhaps 400 or even 600 lbs.

First of all, you’re drunk. Second of all, you’re fucked.

What kind of barfly scientists we giving away telescopes and astronomy degrees to these days?

Me not biggest, me HUGEST!

Another Bank Bites the Dust

admin — Fri, 22 May 2009 15:35:33 +0000

BankUnited FSB is the 34th federally insured institution to be closed this year, and the biggest. The closure is expected to cost the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. $4.9 billion according to an article on the Huffington Post.

Biggest Ponzi scheme… biggest financial collapse… State of California enjoys its biggest deficit. These financial crises keep getting bigger and bigger. Pretty soon we’ll be back to purchasing good and services with seashells.

WWII helped to alleviate the Great Depression. Look for a global war to come to the rescue of the world’s financial meltdown. Seriously… watch for it.

The signs are everywhere!

What the?!?

But What About the Animals?

admin — Fri, 15 May 2009 20:57:35 +0000

List submitter, A. Hendrickson raises some good points.

“I won’t be around when this happens, but humans should not be the only earthlings evacuated, I think we should bring our pets with us, and take DNA samples of all of earth’s wildlife(we can get those at zoos). In other words I’m saying animals should be evacuated as well as us. We’ll then need to find a planet that can support life, terraform it, and we have a new home.”

Good point, A. Hendrickson.

We’ll take this under advisement.

Animals are Earthings too

Space Debris? or Death from Above?

admin — Thu, 14 May 2009 19:38:27 +0000

Turns out that NASA is responsible for most of the detritus in our stratosphere. Wired has a pretty good list of the 8 weirdest objects we’ve found floating around. It’s only a matter of time until we have old ladies strapped to jet packs up there, pushing around shopping carts and collecting beer cans and sputniks.

I’ve done some hasty calculations and and if some trash the size of a bowling ball decided to crash to Earth and not burn up in the atmosphere, it would not only vaporize a human being but also China Syndrome through the planet and come out the other side, imploding anyone unlucky enough to be standing in its path. But let’s not everyone panic all at once. You’re more likely to be impaled by a space bolt which would just crush you.

Now There’s BLOBS in Space

admin — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:46:29 +0000

“A newly found primordial blob may represent the most massive object ever discovered in the early universe, researchers announced today.” according to this space.com article on Yahoo.

I guess scientists may not realize what ordinary people do – BLOBS ARE MONSTERS! And when you see a Blob, you run. If the Blob is in space, we’re gonna have to run in the other direction – through space.

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